Why I am choosing to stop talking about my concussion

I am strong. I am resilient. And this is not the end of my story.  

That’s my cue for when the pit of uncertainty starts to build out of my gut and into my throat. Sometimes it’s all I can manage to get out of my mouth as my heart rate starts to physically rock my body back and forth.

I didn’t witness a traumatizing event, I wasn’t in a devastating car accident, and I did not come back from fighting a war. Yet my body knows trauma and the above experience is very much my reality.

It’s as though all the stress and tears I’ve swallowed over the years have accumulated and wedged themselves in place as a chronic lump in my throat. However, I’m not here to give an overview of my concussion experience, I am here to tell you that we are moving on.

When you complain, you make yourself a victim. Leave the situation, change the situation, or accept it. All else is madness.

Eckhart Tolle

I am NOT a concussion victim, I am NOT a concussion warrior, I am NOT a TBI survivor. I am a being that has been given the opportunity to focus on her health and spirituality to further enrich her human experience.

Although, we can attribute my psychological distress as a misfiring of neurons, it’s time to retire the concussion narrative and focus on the healing.

Not everyone in line at the photocopier needs to know about my reduced screen tolerance, the Starbucks barista did not ask to bear the burden of my anxiety and the friend inviting me to a party doesn’t need to hear me explain neural fatigue.

And I will be challenging myself to feel my feelings, learn something from them and move on without taking emotional dumps on anything and everything that moves.

So kindly save any words of reassurance because I don’t need them. Instead, ask about my dog, my career goals, my athletic goals, or just meet me for lunch.

I truly believe if I choose to define myself by temporary limitations, they will no longer be temporary and the pain will become permanent.

I will continue to voice my needs to those who can address them (like doctors), and one day I may discuss this experience at length. But as I continue to heal, understand that this is a matter that needs to be settled within myself.

Vulnerability is crucial for well-being, but it has its time and place. So if you are struggling with something right now, remember that choosing to not talk about your problems doesn’t necessarily mean you are emotionally constipated. Instead it may help you separate and stop identifying with the pain you’re working so hard to release.

“Pain is temporary. It may last a minute, or an hour, or a day, or a year, but eventually it will subside and something else will take its place. If I quit, however, it lasts forever.”

Lance Armstrong


3 Comments Add yours

  1. SRA says:

    Sometimes just knowing that you have someone on your side helps you see things clearly. You many not talk about the actual pain, the details…but it helps to know that someone cares. I wish you the best for your journey. (Loved your last picture with the universal stress buster.)

    Like

    1. Elle says:

      I absolutely agree, especially in the beginning it was crucial to speak in order to find people and resources who could help, otherwise I would have been completely lost. I am just at a point where it’s all anyone talks about when they see me and a lot of my anxiety is stemmed from “losing” myself and the things I love to do, so being seen as a person rather than a brain injury is what I’m hoping to achieve here. It’s perfectly fine to reach out, I just believe it should be intentional otherwise you get nothing out of it except a negative mindset ingrained in your head. And yes my dog has been 10/10 stress buster LOL!

      Like

  2. I rode bulls in rodeos for years. During that time, I had several concussions. A couple were severe. Over the years, the problems I had from them went away. The brain can heal. Best wishes for a total recovery.

    Like

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